The fact that you are consulting a divorce attorney implies that you may be entering a transitional period of life. You may have many questions about how the divorce or child custody process itself works, how the law works, and how best to approach resolving these issues. The following tips can help you get the most out of your consultation with a divorce lawyer.

Write Down Your Questions (and the Answers).

Before your meeting, prepare a list of questions you would like the lawyer to answer. Consider topics like sharing physical and legal custody of your children, domestic violence concerns, child support or spousal support, division of property and retirement plans, selling the house or negotiating a spousal buy-out, and attorney’s fees. You may also have questions about the process itself: do you go to court or should you try to go to mediation? You don’t need to take notes on everything, but you may want to jot some essential information down, such as filing deadlines if you have already been served with divorce papers, or information the lawyer will need from you before filing on your behalf.

If You Have Been Served, Bring the Documents.

If you’re consulting a lawyer because you are thinking about filing for divorce, your lawyer will likely help you put together whatever forms you need to file for divorce. But if you’ve been served with a Petition for Divorce and a Summons, you have only 30 days to file your formal response before your spouse can take a default against you, which means the court can decide the case without your involvement.

Make sure to bring any documents with which you were served, like the Petition, Summons, UCCJEA form, financial disclosure documents or any letters or communications sent to you. You may want to bring other documents, too, such as those relating to income or assets, prenuptial agreements, or evidence of incidents of domestic violence. It is usually a good idea to gather these documents early in your case, but you may not need them at the first appointment; check with the attorney’s office before your appointment regarding what documents the attorney wants you to bring.

Arrange Child Care.

Your children are an important part of your divorce planning, but they should not be within earshot of your consultation with a family lawyer. For one thing, you may not be able to concentrate as well if you have to attend to your children’s needs; for another, it will not be appropriate for them to hear the candid discussion you will need to have with the attorney. Arrange child care for the time of your consultation so that you can focus and speak freely.

Think of the Meeting as a Job Interview.

Most of the questions you have are probably about the divorce and how it will affect you and your children. But the outcome of your divorce, as well as how you experience the process, depends in large part on your choice of attorney and your relationship with that attorney.

All divorce attorneys are not created equal. For some, divorce is a small part of a general practice while others concentrate exclusively on the area of family law and divorce. Some attorneys are aggressive, stoking conflict and running up legal bills; others try to help you reach a settlement before resorting to litigation. Some divorce attorneys have lots of relevant experience, and some have little.

Some questions you should plan to ask a divorce attorney at your first meeting include:

• How much of your practice is divorce and family law?
• How long have you been practicing family law?
• Have you handled divorces with issues similar to those in my divorce?
• How is billing handled? Is there anything I can do to help keep my fees lower?
• What is the best way to communicate with you if I have questions or need to convey information?
• Will anyone else in your office be working on my case?
• What happens if I disagree with your recommendations for my case?

Regardless of the answers to these questions, you should feel at ease with the attorney and feel that they are someone with whom you can work well. If you are not comfortable with the attorney, even if they give all the “right” answers, consider continuing your search.

Prepare for Full Disclosure.

Why is it so important to be comfortable with your attorney? Because you’re going to need to be honest with her about many sensitive and personal issues. Like a doctor diagnosing an illness, an attorney can’t give you the help you need unless you are able to tell her the truth—the whole truth. You may feel guilty because you did something to cause the breakdown of your marriage. You may feel ashamed of some of the problems in your marriage, either because of your role in those problems or because you did not get out sooner. Common things that people struggle to disclose include infidelity, addiction, and domestic violence. Rest assured that your attorney is not judging you for any of it; they’re on your side. If you can’t tell the truth about your marriage and its problems, your attorney won’t be able to help you.

Ideally, you will walk out of your first meeting with your divorce attorney feeling more confident and hopeful than when you arrived. Being prepared will help. To learn more about preparing for divorce and your first meeting with a divorce lawyer, please contact us to schedule a consultation.